Deadbeat dad's new baby mama shows up unannounced to his 18-year-old daughters house, begs her to have a relationship with her half-brother: 'There was such a deep attempt to shame [me], all the mentions of her child being innocent'

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    AITA for telling my deadbeat father's wife that I'm not responsible for my older brother?
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    My brother (20m) and I (18f) share the same deadbeat father. He left our mom while she was pregnant with me. They were both 24 by that point, having my brother when they were 22, and so still young but not like 18 or 19 young, you know? But I know that excuse has always been made for him, that he was young and
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    dumb, etc. We didn't ever know him or want to know him. Our mom died when we were still young (7 and 9) so our aunt and uncle, mom's sister and her husband, finished raising us. All without any help from our father. He evaded child support for 18 years because we had no idea where he was.
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    Our father actually left the country and moved back 5 months ago with his wife. We found out because she contacted us on social media. We ignored her the first time. Then she reached out again. The first time she was like hi, I'm married to your dad, we just moved here, we're expecting a child together and we want you to know your new brother. The second time it touched on the move and the expecting a baby together thing but also went into how important family is and how we might be mad at our f
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    was such a deep attempt to shame us into responding. All the mentions of her child being innocent, using the word brother and not even half, talking about generational mistakes, etc. We again didn't respond and she tried to send us individual messages after that. Which angered my brother. He met her once and he told her he hoped our father left her son the way he left us and then she'd understand why she was such a trying to shame us or claim we had any obligation to her kid, that he hoped she k
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    the fact our father owed tens of thousands in child support and he hoped they wouldn't need that money because if she made contact one more time he'd chase after it and he didn't care if it made them homeless or not.
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    My brother told me he'd met her but didn't give details about how it went and I didn't ask. Then suddenly she shows up at my aunt and uncles house and she "wanted to talk" or whatever but she basically tried putting what my brother said on me and also tried to add more shame for not showing an interest in her son. She was also looking for me to berate my brother for what he said to her. I told her I wasn't going to turn against my brother in favor of her or her child. I
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    also told her I am not responsible for my brother and I refuse to take any because she wants me to. Then I closed the door in her face (I didn't let her inside even though she's heavily pregnant now). She created another social media account and told me how I was to her. That she just wanted me to say I didn't agree with all the disgusting things my brother said to her. AITA?
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    Trevena_Ice 7 hr. ago NTA. And you should definitly do what your brother suggested. She broke many boundries, now get a lawer and get after the child support your father own you. As well as getting a restraining order, so his wife can't contact you. Do not talk to her, do not let her shame you into something that you don't want. INFO: How did she get your information? Has your sperm donor contacted you or just his pregnant wife?
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    Grouchy-Ad2030 OP. 7 hr. ago Just his wife. I'm also not totally sure. She found us on social media and at first that's all it was but then when she showed up to my aunt and uncle's house I have no idea how she knew where it was. My brother doesn't know either.
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    panlevap 6 hr. ago She is in a desperate need for free babysitters, that's why she is chasing you that much.
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    Grouchy-Ad2030 OP. 6 hr. ago I don't know. That seems so reckless and risky to me.
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    Choice_Bid_7941 · 6 hr. ago So is marrying/getting knocked up by a man with a history of ditching his wife and kids
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    Grouchy-Ad2030 OP 6 hr. ago Yeah, but at least it's not leaving your kid alone with people who could hate them.
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    Fickle_Grapefruit938 5 hr. ago You sound too rational
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    Natural_Garbage7674. 3 hr. ago It's not reckless and risky if she's realised she's married to a deadbeat and is looking to get you and your brother emotionally involved so you "have" to pick up his slack.
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    Grouchy-Ad2030 OP. 3 hr. ago I know in her shoes I'd be terrified that my husband's kids would despise my baby and take his actions out on the baby. Especially after so many years and when they have made it so clear they don't want to be involved.
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    ThePeasantKingM · 3 hr. ago Most people don't plot like this. More likely, she just believes she and her kid are so special that it just makes sense that her husband's kids should forgive and forget what their father did only to have the chance of meeting her baby.
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    They are, of course, the most important beings in the universe, and she just can't understand why OP and his brother don't believe that meeting their half-sibling isn't worth forgiving their father.
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    PresentAd20 · 5 hr. ago I find it funny and not funny "haha" funny weird that he moved back to the states five months ago. He thought he'd wait until they were both 18 to come back so he didn't have to be responsible financially. Jokes on him he can be made to pay arrears AND I think he'll have to pay child support if you guys are in college
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    liviamilon 7 hr. ago She's trying to guilt you into accepting her and her kid, but you have no obligation to them. Your father abandoned you, and you don't owe him or his new family anything you did the right thing by standing up for him and protecting your family. You're not obligated to have a relationship with people who don't respect your boundaries.
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    Grouchy-Ad2030 OP. 7 hr. ago She is and I don't really get what she wants out of this. Doesn't she worry that we'd take our anger at our father out on her kid? Or that we could have grown up really bitter and twisted? She went straight for the come be in my kids life without any checking to see what we were like first. All the guilt tripping stuff is just weird. She doesn't know us and she is aware of the fact he never even met me and hasn't seen my brother since he was 2.
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    Secret_Double_9239.7 hr. ago NTA but you and your brother should pursue him for the back child support he owns.
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    Grouchy-Ad2030 OP. 7 hr. ago Maybe. I'd just prefer to be left alone honestly.
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    lanshufen · 6 hr. ago I can understand why you feel that way. However, going for unpaid child support can help you financially in the long-term. Also, it might help that delusional woman to back off since it will be warning for her to back off if she wants stable money for her kid.
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    Grouchy-Ad2030 OP. 6 hr. ago I'd worry it would mean increased contact from both of them in trying to get us to stop. Even if I have to struggle for money a bit it sounds better than going through that. But I think my brother feels differently. So he might still go for child support without me.
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    MinnieSkinny. 5 hr. ago If you sue him for back child support there is a chance he might up and disappear yet again to avoid having to pay for his responsibilities. Win win!

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